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There has been a lot of research in the psychology community around this topic of happiness and/or well-being. Martin Seligman, the father of the positive psychology movement, has written two books that I’m familiar with: Authentic Happiness and Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being. Tom Rath and Jim Harter of the Gallup Organization have also researched this area and published Well-Being: The Five Elements. And my favorite psychologist, Henry Cloud, recently published The Power of the Other: the startling effect other people have on you.
One of the main ideas I take away
from all the research is that to be happy/joyful/well we need to be connected in positive relationships with other people. While this seems overly simple, it is much tougher to achieve than you would initially think, especially in today’s high technology, highly competitive, and politically divisive world.
In fact, Gallup's research shows that
to have a thriving day, people need six hours of social time. Now this does not mean be on social media for six hours a day. This means being in positive and personal interactions with other people six hours each day. This could be in meetings, at the dinner table, serving with others, or conversing over a cup of coffee. To really thrive you need to connect with others every day. Henry Cloud says, “The right kinds of relationships wire us for resilience and success.”
I know, you will tell me that you are with people all day long and you just need some down time or alone-time to recharge, which I fully understand. But those people you’re with all day long, are they energizing you or zapping you of your energy? Are they helping you to be happy and joyful, to have a sense of well-being or are they making you miserable and grumpy?
Here are four tips to help you increase your happiness and well-being:
Find and build relationships with people who are positive and growing.
The person who is choosing to develop themselves in order to add value to their organization or family is likely driven by a positive energy. This positive energy is contagious, and they can help “infect” you with positive energy. You’ll recognize these people because they will be talking about their goals and what they plan to achieve. They will have a certain “pep in their step” and will be connecting with others. Go connect with them.
Be intentional about spending time with other people.
Put connecting time in your calendar and daily agenda. Decide who you need to spend time with and for what purpose (hint: to benefit them as well as you!). Then, just like all your other daily tasks, prioritize the time and make it happen. If you aren’t intentional about this connecting with others, it will not happen as you get caught up in the other urgencies of the day.
Find a way to serve with other people in meaningful ways.
Some of the most positive relationships and happiest times I’ve had have been when doing something meaningful and purpose driven with other positive and like-minded people. Whether it was serving in recreational baseball, a church orchestra, or a non-profit institution, we all knew that what we were doing was making a difference. And that drove a sense of joy and happiness.
Watch A Charlie Brown Christmas.
With the holidays upon us, Christmas and New Year’s Eve, people tend to get depressed. Maybe they can’t afford to buy people the gifts they’d like to give. Maybe they didn’t get what they wanted for Christmas. Maybe they do not have a significant other to kiss when they sing Auld Lang Syne. It could be the first time they are experiencing the holidays without a loved one. So many outside influences can bring us down. I always enjoy “A Charlie Brown Christmas” at this time of year. Poor Charlie Brown just can’t seem to find the true meaning of Christmas. Then Linus goes into his speech. Oh, I love Linus. If you haven’t seen it before, here’s a clip off of YouTube
If you’d like to hear the entire story of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” you see and hear it read by Pam at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=up-QwyIOXAA&t=1s
What can you do to connect in positive relationships with others, and increase your joy and happiness?
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